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November 13, 2010

8

Movie Review – Skyline (2010)

by HELEN GEIB

Do NOT see Skyline.

You have been warned.

How bad is it?

Let me count the ways.

Starting with its abject unoriginality.

It’s War of the Worlds, District 9, Alien et seq., Independence Day, Cloverfield and Predator 2.

Just for starters.

Except the characters are uninteresting.

(The men posture; the women whine.)

The acting is flat.

The effects look cheap.

Oh, do the effects look cheap, even the tentacled, slimy, rampaging, super-strong, brain-sucking, fluorescent aliens look cheap.

Even the set looks cheap.

(Please note the singular.)

That’s the penthouse of a major recording artist (or whatever he’s supposed to be)?

Puh-lease!

Plus the whole movie makes no sense whatsoever.

Really, what is it with the brain-sucking?

The aliens use human brains in their bio-engineered selves?

How did they develop the advanced technology currently allowing them to annihilate humanity?

How did they develop as a species in the first place if they don’t have brains?

Well, whatever.

(I could make a crack about something else missing a brain, but I’ll refrain….)

I’ve already given the premise more thought than the screenwriting team.

This is the boringest movie I’ve seen in a very long time.

It’s even worse than 10,000 B.C.

10,000 B.C. had woolly mammoths.

Pacing, you ask?

The movie has the flow of this review.

The movie doesn’t rhyme either.

Can it be a poem if it doesn’t rhyme?

The movie will make you ask the big questions too.

Like, why am I here?

Seriously, don’t see Skyline.

At least not before the Rifftrax edition comes out.

0 stars


**********

Review of 10,000 B.C.
Review of District 9

8 Comments Post a comment
  1. Nov 13 2010

    I like how you use the word “boringest”. And I’d attampted to watch 10,000 B.C. a while back but, alas I’d fallen asleep within the first 10 minutes. Then again, The Day After Tomorrow put me to sleep within 30 minutes so I’d say that Roland Emmerich is slacking off.

    Well, Skyline: 11% on Rottentomatoes, 5.8/10 on IMDB (out of 932 votes), and it’s only on its second day.

    I rather like this side of you, Helen! :OD

  2. Helen
    Nov 13 2010

    The first draft read “most boring” but I decided that wasn’t sufficiently poetical. ;-) I figured I deserved to have a little fun at the movie’s expense. Glad you liked it. :=D

  3. Dec 15 2010

    I watched this a few days back. Your review says it all. Good God almighty, it was bad.

  4. Helen
    Dec 15 2010

    Afterward my friends were joking that no matter what we saw next, it would seem Oscar-worthy in comparison. At least a movie like Skyline puts “bad” in perspective!

  5. Richard Winters
    Mar 24 2011

    I like the unique structuring of this review. Like with your review of ‘Repo Men’ it seems that the worse the movie the more creative your reviews are, so keep going to thos awful movies.

  6. Helen
    Mar 24 2011

    I have heard it said that all artists must suffer for their art….

  7. Mar 25 2011

    …I don’t hate Repo Men…

    There, I said it.

    I thought that it was a decent actioner with, surprizingly adequate performances, a neat vision of the future, and that its ending was melancholy and that it “made sense”. Again, there. I said it.
    :OÞ

  8. Dave
    Apr 9 2011

    You have all missed the purpose of this movie! How can you not see it, they are warning us not to look at the blue lights in our electronic devices! It’s those blue lights in our DVR, Sat box, Computers, etc. Those lights are controlling our minds and making us watch movies like this. Through these movies they are sucking our brains out where we will all be hollow shells of our former selves.
    We must all start wearing aluminum foil caps!!!!!!

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